Statement in Court

Foster Parent Court Hearing Statement in Regards to:

“Kiddo A”

All names in the statement have been replaced for privacy purposes

Statement:

As A’s Foster Parents for the past 4-months, we have had the opportunity to see her thrive and grow in so many ways. During this time, we have also developed a very good relationship with Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad, one that consists of open communication, both in person as we provide transport to visits, as well as through e-mails and texts.  We are very proud of Bio-Mom’s ability over the past 4-months to attend all scheduled, supervised visits, as well as a doctor’s appointment for A that we invited her to, and several swimming lessons that we enrolled A in. We are also proud of their success with sobriety. There is no doubt in our mind that Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad love A deeply, and we have no concerns about the safety of A while in Bio-Mom’s care. We believe reunification is the correct plan for Bio-Mom and A.

“Fighting” DHS in Court

Today, we went to court to advocate on behalf of our Foster Daughter.  It is not required for Foster Parents to attend court hearings, but as the guardian of the child for which the court hearing is about, you do receive notices in the mail.  We never take the children to court, unless there is a request for them to be there.  In our opinion, there is no point for a child to see their parents in such an awkward and vulnerable position, and for children to learn the extents of the issues associated with their case and their parents.

We have always attended the court hearings for our kiddos. The hearing is the best opportunity to gain the most information regarding the status of the case, as well as receive an accurate account of the progress being made by the parents, and the recommended plan moving forward. Typically, we sit there awkwardly and uncomfortably in the back of the tiny courtroom and listen to what is being discussed. This time was different. This time, we came with a purpose. This time, we had a prepared statement, and we were terrified.

We Know You Mean Well But…

Jewell and I consider ourselves extroverted introverts.  We enjoy our privacy, the company of each other, and gatherings of our close friends. Both of us are easily intimidated by large social gatherings, “Parties” is what I think the cool kids call them, but we often force ourselves to go, so we can see our friends and acquaintances.  Being a Foster Parent has proven to be a great conversation piece at said social gatherings, one that many people have a lot of questions about, and that we are happy to answer. When it comes to being a Foster Parent, we do not evangelize. We understand that it is not for everyone, it is a personal or family decision, and the last thing we would want is for someone to be pressured into being a foster parent when it is not right for them, that is not fair to the kids or the person/family.  That being said, we try to be an open book and answer questions that people have for us, because prior to us becoming Foster Parents, we had a lot of questions too, and nobody to really answer them.

Organizations We Love

We are well aware that not everybody has the ability or desire to be a foster parent.  It definitely is not easy, it is not for everyone, and that is perfectly alright. If foster care is not something your family is equipped to do however, there are still many ways you can help.  Here is a list of organizations that go above and beyond to help foster kids and their families, both bio and foster.  Please consider donating or volunteering with these groups for #GivingTuesday November, 29th.

Who’s Your Daddy?

It is one thing for the kiddo to call you “mama” or “dada”, because their vocabulary is limited. It felt like a completely different thing when we referred to ourselves as “Mom” or “Dad” to the kiddo… in front of the bio-parent.

We know better. We know how awkward and potentially hurtful that could feel to the bio-parents.  It can be interpreted a number of different ways, like maybe we think we are her parents, or maybe we are planning on adopting their child, or have little faith that they will get their child back. And in actuality, we are only referring to ourselves this way to the kiddo, because that is how they refer to us.

Are You My Mother?

During the Foundation Training Classes, there are discussions about how to talk to your Foster Children about what their parents are doing, and how these children “fit” into your family.  There are discussions about not introducing your child as “my Foster Child” at social events, and to give the children options on how they refer to you.  According to the classes, some children may feel comfortable referring to you as “Mom” or “Dad” eventually, but that this should not be expected initially, and it may never happen.  It all made sense to us during the classes. We would introduce ourselves as Aaron and Jewell, and let the kiddos know that we love them and are going to take care of them while their Mom or Dad do some grown-up things and get some help so they can be with them shortly.

This all sounds well and good in the classroom and on paper, but our first long term placements have been infants and toddlers.

Four Hours

Four hours, that was the length of time we had to prepare for our first ever child.  From the moment we told DHS that we would open our home up to care for the child, until the moment our daughter arrived at our doorstep, 240-minutes passed.  This is just enough time to watch one of the Lord of the Rings movies.

From the moment we told DHS that we would open our home up to care for the child, until the moment our daughter arrived at our doorstep, 240-minutes passed.

During our initial interviews with our Certifier, we said we were open to fostering children of all ages, gender, race, religion, background, sexual orientation, etc., but that since we both work, it probably makes most sense for us to care for school age children. When we discussed the logistics, DHS agreed.  In our free time during the certification process, we began to set up a bedroom in our house for our future kids.  We furnished it with a twin bed equipped with a pull-out trundle (just in case), and a closet with a place to hang their clothes, a chair to lounge in, and a nightstand for their books. Everything we could think of that a child might need. We were ready for The Call.

Possible Placements

The following correspondence is an e-mail exchange between us, our certifier, and a CW.  This is a typical correspondence when DHS contacts you about a possible placement.  Our initial commitment was for the weekend, so the kids would not have to stay in a hotel with a DHS worker. We were going to use the weekend to see if we could logistically keep them for an extended period.

The first e-mail is from our certifier to us, regarding a possible placement. This amount of information and this type of contact is typical for possible placements.

The Certification Process – Pt. 2

Congratulations on completing your 24-hours of Foundations Training for Foster Care!

Here is your Certificate!

So now we are foster parents, right?!?!?!?! We can begin to help children in need? Right?

Nope.

Structured Analysis Family Evaluation (SAFE) – Home Study

The Certification Process – Pt. 1

As mentioned in the blog introduction, this blog is not going to serve as a “How-To” on becoming a Certified Non-Relative Foster Parent in Oregon.  For details on how to do this, Oregon Department of Human Services (DHS) should be your go to, and they have information listed HERE.

This post will be more about our experience navigating the process to become certified.  We are Certified Non-Relative Foster Care Providers (foster parents) in Multnomah County, Oregon.  Our experience is limited to Oregon and Multnomah County, and we are aware that the process may be significantly different outside of Oregon. There are also Private, typically through faith based organization, certification methods as well, which also may be significantly different, but we do not have experience with those.

What Is This Blog?

This is a place for us to document our journey as foster parents in Oregon.  The idea for the blog came to us after we realized that as brand new parents, we were staying up far too late after our children went to bed.  We were constantly staying up talking about all of the thoughts we were having as we become more and more ingrained in the Foster Care System.  It felt like nearly every day, we encountered a new experience, oftentimes experiences that are unique to foster parents, but sometimes, experiences relevant to all parents, and experiences relevant to all humans who care about other humans.

As we stayed up too late talking, knowing that our kids would wake us up soon, far before our alarm clocks would go off to make it to work on time, we knew that the conversations we were having were much more important than sleep.  We thought that the conversations would slowly taper off over the coming weeks. Eventually, we assumed that fostering children would be our “new normal”, and we could get back to watching our shows on Netflix and going to bed at a decent hour.  Instead, the longer we were caring for children, the more we interacted with DHS, family, friends, bio-parents, lawyers, CASAs, judges, etc., the more we realized that these conversations were going to continue.

Who Are We?

Aaron

At the time of this writing, Aaron is 28 and a Civil Engineer.  Aaron was raised in Portland, Oregon.  Aaron attended Portland Public Schools through high school, and graduated from Oregon State University with a degree in Civil Engineering.  He loves Portland with all it has to offer, and he has a passion for soccer, including supporting The Portland Timbers, playing on multiple soccer teams, and watching European soccer early in the mornings on weekends.  When not working or doing something related to soccer, Aaron enjoys running, hiking, biking and weight lifting, which allows him to sample delicious IPAs at the wonderful breweries in Oregon.  Aaron was raised by his Mom and Dad in Northeast Portland, and has a brother, 7-years younger than him. His Mom is a teacher, his Dad is an entrepreneur and business owner, while his brother is finishing up a degree in Mechanical Engineering.

Letter to Evie*

The following is a note I wrote our Foster Daughter Evie*, upon her leaving our home after a 2-week emergency placement:

Dear Evie,

Letter to Iliana*

The following is a note I wrote our Foster Daughter Iliana*, upon her leaving our home after a 2-week emergency placement:

Dear Iliana,

Acronyms and Definitions

In most government agencies and specialized fields, acronyms are widely used, and industry specific definitions apply to many words. We will do our best to keep this page updated with frequently used acronyms, terms, and strange definitions.